Self Love: A Practical Guide + Curated Essentials

February 12, 2020

Why does cupid get all the attention on Valentine’s Day? There’s more to love than just loving another. We’re talking about self-love.

With all this love talk, we think it’s the perfect time to take a look inward and do an inventory. In what ways are you showing yourself some love? What areas could use a little boost?

In this guide, we’ll give you the practical how-to on self-love and self-care without the fluff (okay, maybe just a touch of fluff), as well as a curated product guide containing the essentials to get started showing up for yourself with some l.o.v.e.

Our top 15 ways to practice self-love | Curated Self-Love Essentials

What is self-love?

First thing’s first: what is it? Yes, doing a weekly mani-pedi or face mask are both ways to give yourself a little TLC, but they aren’t the whole self-love picture. Self-love is loving and taking care of mind (aka your emotions), body, and soul. It’s the whole enchilada. And not just taking care of them – loving them, unapologetically and (moving toward) completely.

What’s the difference between self-love and self-care?

Self-care is one way in which self-love can manifest itself, and self-care actions are ways in which you can boost feelings of self-love. But taking amazing bubble baths and doing weekly face masks don’t necessarily mean you love your skin or your body. That requires not just having an amazing skincare regimen, but going deeper to dive into truly loving your body, as well as your spirit and your mind.

How can I practice self-love?

Keyword: Practice. Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s making consistent choices each and every day that demonstrate you know your own worth and that you’re willing to act in ways that honor your self-worth. That doesn’t mean selfish decisions or decisions that are always easy. In fact, sometimes acting in self-love means making hard decisions (like choosing to move or break up with a partner) or acting with someone else’s best interest in mind, which can boost self-esteem (like compromising with a partner to keep a relationship healthy or taking care of a sick loved one).

Thinking of self-love as a journey, as opposed to a destination can take the pressure off. You get an opportunity to act with self-love every time you make a decision – and consistently making choices that are in line with your values and in your best interest is what self-love looks like on the ground.

Our top 15 ways to practice self-love

Mind:

Speak to yourself kindly. What if a friend spoke to you the way you spoke to yourself? Would you feel loved and admired or hurt and rejected? Practice speaking to yourself with words of love, admiration, and affection. Not sure where to start? Begin with awareness of your inner dialogue. Once you know how you speak to yourself, you can make changes.
Set strong boundaries. Where in your life could you use some firmer boundaries? Work-life balance? Relationship expectations? Cell phone usage? Toxic friendships? Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable – for you and those involved – but they’re necessary and healthy. Practice saying “no” where you can: to taking on too much, to allowing others to drain your time and energy without reciprocating, and to all of the ways you overextend yourself.
Be curious about your feelings. One great step towards emotional health is being curious about your feelings. Instead of moving away from what you’re feeling, approach it with curiosity to understand without judgement. Understanding what you’re feeling and why without harsh self-criticism can help you notice patterns and lead to greater self-awareness.
Exercise. Wait, did we put exercise in the wrong category? Nope! We’re talking exercise for mental health, not just physical health. When we encounter a stressor, our body responds both physically and physiologically. It’s the automatic fight or flight response, which puts our body in overdrive, a state that isn’t healthy to be in long-term. When the body physically perceives that the threat is gone, the body returns to its baseline, completing what some researchers call a stress response cycle. The most effective way to “trick” the body into registering that stress is over is physical activity. Even if we continually face a difficult situation day after day, through physical activity, we can diffuse stress. Aim for thirty minutes of exercise each day.
Set your own standards of self-worth. Investigate your held standards of self-worth. Were they placed there by someone else (i.e. parents, society, friends, work, etc.)? Or are they ones that you hold based on your own values and truth? Practice self-talk and decisions that are in line with your own standards of self-worth. This is a job that is never done; you’ll likely spend the rest of your life reconciling your truth with the truths of others. Get comfortable with this process!

Body:

Get enough sleep. Enough said! Eight hours. Every night. (Or almost every night.)
Prepare healthy meals. Take care of yourself and your future self by preparing healthy meals. Allow for indulgences occasionally, without guilt. Health isn’t just about nutrients; it’s about balance and pleasure too!
Take care of your body. Here’s where traditional self-care comes in. Indulge in that bubble bath with candles. Book a massage. Enjoy a luxurious face mask with a cup of tea. Enjoy the glam side of self-care.
Choose nontoxic products. Choosing products made with safer ingredients and materials can help reduce your body burden – your body’s “load” of toxic substances. We’ve got your back. Shop MADE SAFE certified products to ensure you’re choosing items that are safer for you and the planet.
Seek touch. Connect with others on a physical level. “Others” can be a friend, lover, or even your pet. Hugging or kissing someone you love and trust can help you de-stress. (Shoot for a handful of hugs a day and one six-second kiss!) And petting your dog or cat can reduce stress levels too.

Spirit:

Practice gratitude. Studies have demonstrated that practicing gratitude is associated with greater positive feelings and feelings of happiness. Practicing gratitude can take many forms – journaling, silent affirmations whenever you’re feeling grateful, writing letters to people in your life that you’d like to thank, and more. Find what works for you and practice regularly.
Volunteer. Yes, it might be counterintuitive to give outward to give inward, but giving to others can boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Find a cause that you love and give back. Just wait and watch your feelings of connection and self-love grow.
Seek meaningful connection. Finding and connecting with people that share similar interests to you can be powerful. It can combat feelings of loneliness and make you feel more plugged into your community. It can build self-confidence, increase the fun factor in your life, and so much more.
Get outside. Is a self-love guide complete without mentioning getting outside? It’s likely you’ve read the research – being outside has been associated with positive feelings, helps you get your daily dose of vitamin D, and reduces stress. Aim for green spaces like parks and nature reserves. If you’re near a body of water, seek it out!
Meditate. The potential benefits of a meditation practice are abundant – reduced stress and anxiety, more mindfulness and presence in everyday life, increased clarity and calm, improved focused, more compassion… the list goes on. Though meditating might sound intimidating, it’s easier than you think to get started. Check out our favorite way by reading our product guide below.

Self-Love On-the-Ground Tips:

It’s all about practice. Did you notice that the word “practice” appears numerous times throughout this piece? Habits take time to establish. Don’t aim for perfection. And remember that every choice you make is an opportunity to act in the interest of self-love.
Approach self-love with self-compassion. You won’t get it right every day and you won’t find time for self-care every day. That’s ok.
You aren’t given time for self-love and self-care. You must take time. Make space in your schedule to practice self-love and self-care.
Self-love does not have to be earned. As in, you don’t “deserve” self-love after the dishes are done, the huge work project is done, or after you’ve found financial freedom. Nope, you deserve self-love and self-care right now, regardless of external circumstances.

Curated Self-Love Essentials

Kate McLeod
Sleep Stone

This moisturizer, shaped like a stone, is comprised of deeply moisturizing ingredients like cocoa butter, sweet almond oil, with chamomile and lavender added to lull you to sleep. Kate McLeod recommends using this as a nightly ritual and we couldn’t agree more. Building in time for a mindful self-massage, even just a couple minutes, can help you decompress and reset before falling into slumber.